it is I who darkens counsel

(Written after the death of my son Jude. this is my reply to Job 38… Not about a loss of faith, but instead of unbelief.)

tonight’s the night i ask the questions
tonight’s the night i question why
where were you when my son was sleeping
where were you the day he died

where were you when all were praying
did you turn a deafened ear
where were you when my son was fading
where were you when I faced that fear

where were you when i asked the questions
where were you when i couldn’t sleep
where were you when my heart was racing
were you out finding other sheep

tonight’s the night I ask the questions
tonight’s the night you answer ME
where were you when my faith was failing
where were you when i couldn’t see

don’t remind me of the great behemoth
don’t remind me of leviathan
i don’t care where the goats are birthing
and i don’t care if you guide the wind

it is I who darkens counsel
it is I who wants to see
so where are you when my faith is failing
where are you when i can’t believe